Taco Bell’s latest menu item has stirred some controversy south of the border. While some customers are calling the “Quasar-ito” a delicious addition to the fast-food restaurant’s value menu, millions of others have been killed or driven from their homes by its unprecedented size and tanginess.
Despite outcries from nutritional, scientific, and military groups across the planet, Taco Bell deployed the first Quasar-ito in a small town in the state formerly known as California. Survivors have been evacuated from the spicy blast radius, but relief zones throughout the midwest are in dire need of provisions and toiletries.
Initial projections of the controversial menu item appeared on Taco Bell’s Twitter feed early this week, inciting a heated online response. Scientific authorities were concerned by the radiological and topographical surveys of the product’s surface included in the report, as well as its purported 700 kilometer diameter.
“The Quasar-ito has been in the works for over a decade,” said Taco Bell representative Mort Dimsey, “but only recently have technology and the intestinal fortitude of the average consumer caught up to our ambitions.”
Taco Bell seemed eager to capitalize on the mixed reception of the Quasar-ito. Facebook followers may now enter to win a 1/1000000 scale model of the California Quasar-ito by submitting a picture of their relief housing by January 26.
The second Quasar-ito is expected to drop within the next three weeks. If you notice the scent of day-old lettuce or stale taco shell, the FDA recommends sitting down, making peace with your loved ones, and praying for the savoury release of death.
