So, explain this to me again. You’re saying that everyone in Hollywood and everyone in Washington is part of a cult that sacrifices children to Satan? 

Yes, but they also traffic the children before they sacrifice them. 

But half of Washington is also definitely not a part of this Satanic cult? 

Yep, they are firmly against the child sacrifice. 

But they’ve never told the public about any of this, meaning they’re either too dumb to realize they’re surrounded by cultists or they’re aware of the cult’s existence and have chosen to stay quiet? 

Well they probably are just trying to dismantle the cult without causing a panic. 

And you have absolutely no proof of any of this? 

No, and doesn’t that seem extremely suspicious? The fact that there’s no proof is all the proof I need. 

Right. And anyone who doesn’t believe this is a sheep? 

Yep. They just listen to whatever the left-wing media on MSDNC and CNN and Fox News tell them. 

But your group’s official slogan states that everyone in the group blindly follows anything anyone else in the group says. 

That’s right. Where we go one, we go all! 

Like sheep. 

Yes, I mean NO, I mean…you’re fake news. 

…um, duh. I literally write for a satirical newspaper. And honestly, you dumbasses have been killing satire for years and it’s making my job really tough. So, could you calm the fuck down? 

…no.