Thanos is the ultimate Daddy. Ask Gamora. The man’s hands are big enough to choke Ant-Man at full size. And you know what they say about a man with big hands, right? They say that they have to wear larger gloves. And those larger gloves are perfect for closing off blood flow to your brain and for opening your asshole.

Please. Cross-fit grimace doesn’t have shit on the Naughty Nude Nuclear ‘Natrix. When you need someone to put you in your place, who are you gonna go to? The lazy shit who sat around letting his kids and lackeys do everything for him for 20 movies or the literal God who ended the Vietnam War in less than a week? That’s what I thought.

I mean, Thanos may be a bit lazy, but when he cares about something, he gets it done. That’s the problem with Dr. Manhattan. He doesn’t give a fuck about anything. He just peaces the fuck out to Mars while everyone else deals with the problems he could deal with in a few seconds. So how the fuck are you gonna get him to wanna fuck you?

Okay, I didn’t want to bring this up but we don’t even know for sure that Thanos has genitals. But you know who whipped out his dong for all the world to see? Dr. Manhattan. Sure, it may not have been very impressive but we only saw it flaccid and Dr. Manhattan has proven that he is a literal grower. Until you can show me Thanos’s Sceptre and his Infinity Stones, these two aren’t even in the same league.

Oh snap. You went for the dick.

And the balls, yeah.

Thanos has genitals.

Prove it.