Describe your vision. 

1. Everything looks blurry. I think I am seeing double and am possibly losing sight in my left eye. 
2. Everything looks orange. All the women I see either have lip fillers or are in a mild stage of anaphylactic shock. There is so much hairless, glistening flesh that I am quite certain I am looking at horribly disfigured dolphins clad in neon spandex. One of them might be black.  

How is your clarity of mind? 

1. I am experiencing confusion and am struggling to understand other people.
2. I have no idea what anyone is saying. It sounds like the part of a Black Eyed Peas song where will.i.am makes his voice sound like a glitching robot frog.  I suspect that a small, but vital part of their brain tissue is dead. 

Do you feel any numbness or loss of bodily sensation? 

1. I am experiencing confusion and am struggling to understand other people.
2. Not externally, but I am dead inside. You could throw me in the fire pit at Casa Amor and I would feel nothing. 

Are you watching Love Island? 

1. No. 
2. Yes.

Results:

Mostly A’s: I am sorry to break it to you like this, but you are having a stroke. Please consult your nearest medical professional. 

Mostly B’s: You arrigh’, love? Cos you’re watching Love Island. Go have a chat with your doctor, yeah?