This month, staff from the Toike Oike reached out to the University of Toronto’s engineering students in an effort to uncover the Skule™ community’s deepest, darkest fantasies. The results of this survey were initially intended to be sold to Google for their data repository. Below, we’ve compiled the top responses from students across campus.
“All I want is to have a conversation about something other than calculus. Then, maybe we can, I don’t know, hold hands? Just the thought of it makes me shiver. I haven’t had real, genuine human contact in months.”
“Licking the cold, steely shaft of Ye Olde Mighty Skule™ Cannon would make me truly happy.”
“I just wish I could see some open bracket, space, period, space, closed bracket, open bracket, space, period, space, closed bracket. If you know what I mean?”
“It was a cold, snowy night. The wind was howling against the dorm window, slowly eating away at what little warmth was left inside. ‘If only the heater was working,’ I thought to myself as I heard a sudden knock on the door. ‘Who could it be?’ I thought, as I walked to the door. I knew it wasn’t my roommate as he was out for the weekend. Then again, no one else really talks to me outside of class. And, to my surprise, there wasn’t anybody when I opened the door. There was, however, a note laying on the floor. It was in cursive so it was hard to read, but I’m pretty sure it was some kind of list. I coul tell this list was important, and that it was beckoning me to collect the items listed on it. I couldn’t just let an opportunity like this fall through my fingers, right? And so I went out, slowly gathering each component to this mysterious list. Let me tell you, I collected everything from the devil’s lettuce to cocoa puffs and brown sugar. I knew deep down in my heart that I had to gather it all. I trudged through the sketchiest parts of the city – nearly freezing to death – until I found my final clue and the drop off location for my satchel of goodies. And, when I showed up, my mind was blown. There, in front of me were three identical pugs in a trenchcoat standing on top of each other so as to reach the height of a four-year-old human. They were breathing heavily. The quadrupedal, second-grader-sized stack of dogs stared into my soul with goofy-yet-empty eyes. Panting heavily, breath smelling of Purina Veterinary Diets Essential Care Dog Food, the pug-stack approached. The middle pug slyly drew a glistening iron ring from the pocket of the trenchcoat. That’s when I knew everything would change. It was the end of my youth, and the beginning of the end of my life.
