GEORGE CAMPUS, U OF T – A University of Toronto onion-student returned from a semester abroad in Europe to rejoin their fellow students earlier this year. However, in a shocking development, the white onion has restrained from bringing up the four-month-long international experience.
Yes, the international relations and political science major, who we will refer to as Vidalia, spent September through December of last year studying in England while taking occasional weekend trips all across Europe. Vidalia told us that her favourite countries were “definitely Malta, Croatia and Germany but [her] favourite favourite would have to be Spain,” though she stressed that she didn’t really want to discuss her travels too much.
According to many of Vidalia’s friends, she’s been surprisingly hesitant to discuss her time abroad. “When she left, I figured I was going to have to listen to the same old stories of hitch-hiking in Germany or wine-tasting in France multiple times a day,” said her friend Garth Lik. “But Vidalia’s only talked about her time in Europe once or twice a day since she’s been home. And she only says that she wishes she could go back a couple of times a week.”
Despite Vidalia’s incredible restraint in discussing her overseas experience, some of her friends still think that she talks about it all too much. “It’s just so frustrating that she can turn literally anything into a reason to talk about some random bullshit she says she did in Europe,” said Pearl, Vidalia’s best friend and roommate. “Like, she was in Spain for less than 2 days but she goes around telling people she’s a fucking ‘Spanish’ Onion. Like, shut the fuck up, you’re a fucking white onion from Etobicoke. You couldn’t even pass for a yellow onion. I swear, she’s fucking told me ‘it’s pronounced IbiTHa’ once for each hour she actually spent in Spain. You guys can say that ‘anonymous’ was telling you all of this shit, right?”
Pearl is an anonymous onion-friend of Vidalia’s who is also a student at U of T and is now looking for a roommate.