Toronto, ON —
Groundbreaking research is being conducted right now to determine if a relationship exists between how much time is left until a deadline and the amount of effort going into the task at hand. With 40 minutes remaining on the cock (typo on purpose), panic has not yet ensued. Using carefully devised algorithms, it is estimated that 17 minutes can be allocated to procrastination without significantly impacting the quality of this article (st. dev. +/– 2min). Well, since I’ve already written down the very large number of 103 words, I can now take a well-deserved break.
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While editing can be a valuable element in the writing process, the actual writing itself is what’s most important. Therefore, if you have time for only one of the two, writing is strongly encouraged over editing (1). Scientists believe that this may be sourced to the widespread preference of drawing a blank from squiggly lines versus an actual blank page. Furthermore, ongoing research has also determined that desperate puns are common finds in under-pressure writing. Deep analysis surfaced that these serve to encourage a half-assed smile from the audience as well as some sympathy (please, I’m not even getting paid to write this shit).
Studies have also now shown at the threshold for panic resides at precisely 13 minutes before the deadline. Experts are not entirely sure if this is due to the superstition that 13 is an unlucky number or if it has something to do with the number 3 which is part of the number 13. It is important to mention that there are three letters in the first three letters of the number three. This previous sentence contained the word “three” thrice, confirming the Illuminati involvement.
To end on a formal note, submitting a project, task, or article before the deadline shows initiative in that the subject likely started their assignment early, which allowed them to be able to offer their work early. Even if you aren’t done last paragraph, heck, even your last sentence, your superior will be much more
Bieber S. How to not fuck up your writing submissions, and life. Journal of Thugs. 2014, 43(4): 534-538.
