This column features the 3 worst people, places or things (Nouns, for those of you who failed grade 4) in London, England this month, personal bias definitely included.

3. Piccadilly Circus. What do you think this is? No, really. Give me your best guess of what Piccadilly Circus is. Chances are, if you’ve never been to England, you probably didn’t guess it was just some lame intersection, but guess what, it is. This Times Square rip off has got to be the low point of London tourist attractions.

2. The London Eye. This Ferris wheel is a landmark of the London skyline, but should it be? Whoever (probably Winston Churchill) built the London Eye is basically saying “Hey everyone, London is now a joke.” Instead of building some tall, dignified skyscrapers on the River Thames, some ‘plonker’ decided to erect a giant fairground. To make matters worse, children (the scum of the Earth) have been known to ride Ferris wheels. Two out of the three children I interviewed for this piece said they’d been on a Ferris wheel before. Distasteful to say the least.

1. The TTC. That’s right, even in the British edition. The London underground is a masterpiece of public transit. Commissioned over 150 years ago, the Tube has 270 stations and 14 lines, none of which lead to Scarborough. It has more than triple the yearly ridership of the Toronto subway, and one time this guy I met online said he saw someone on the Tube with a tattoo of a velociraptor. Needless to say, the London Underground surpasses the TTC in every way. If only the rest of London was so great. 

 Honorable mention: That stupid roundabout. You know the one I mean. Why on Earth would anyone want to be in any lane except the exterior one? Why?