Mobilising their typically sluggish voting power, the stoner electoral bloc was successful this past election in re-electing “Meh” to the government of Toronto.
“This is, like, a real victory for our culture, man.” Said organic hemp rope artisan and prominent stoner activist Chereighblossom “Norman” Rainbow-Anderson, in the aftermath of the election, “only, like, the exact same status quo as before will let us zone out and not care about anything for another four years.”
Prominent platform pieces touted by the outgoing incoming City Council include many policies favourable to stoners, such as not doing anything most of the time, being entertainingly loud and pompous without actually concluding anything, and not doing anything most of the time.
Policies like saying trees are pretty cool without really doing anything about the environment are seen as a safe compromise with supporters of “Meh”’s main opposition, “People Who Wanted Something to Happen.”
Runners-up “AAAAAAAAH CHANGE AAAAAAH” and “right-wing radicalism” are taking the loss gracefully, promising to continue to fight for the views of their respective voters.
REACTIONS TO THE ELECTION:
“I like the Gardiner. It’s a crumbling old wreck, just like me!” – M. Ethel Ethels, Bridle Path resident, 73.
“Wow,” – Owen Wilson, Hollywood superstar, 49.
“Wow, eh. That’s two-minutes for slashing.” – Doug McLuhan, self-proclaimed hockey enthusiast, 27.
“If it isn’t about things I care about, I don’t care.” – Nahk Leoj, Virgin Sex Columnist, 37.
“Filled.” – Space-Filler Man, filler of spaces, 2.
“I dreamed a dream in times gone by.” – Jennifer Keesmaat, unemployed, 48.
“National Socialism always bears in mind the interests of the people as a whole and not the interests of one class or another. The National Socialist Revolution has not aimed at turning a privileged class into a class which will have no rights in the future. Its aim has been to grant equal rights to those social strata that hitherto were denied such rights.” – Faith Goldy, “journalist”, 29.
