PARLIAMENT HILL
In a press release last week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated that weeds are now legal across Canada. “As promised, all weeds are now legal, including dandelions, crabgrass, and white clovers,” Trudeau announced to the press outside the House of Commons. “Canada’s gardeners need no longer live in fear of local law enforcement.”
Harrowing federal restrictions on domestic weeds had previously kept gardeners in a state of frenzy. “The Weed Discrimination Act of 1969 dramatically changed the landscape of home landscaping,” says Toike legal analyst Ben Dover. “At the time, weeds were seriously harming Canada’s thriving marijuana crops by competing with them for water and sunlight. The only course of action to protect our favourable position in the marijuana market was to ban weeds altogether.”
Since then, marijuana has also become illegal for some reason, but the harsh anti-weed laws were never repealed until now. Conservative gardening groups, which cropped up around the 1990s, claimed that these laws ostracized their communities from the hobby’s noble roots. Recent growth of these groups in recent years has been a critical factor in the decision to legalize weeds.
Until November last year, the Harper government had stood steadfastly in support of the 1969 ban, citing that “dandelions make us kind of uncomfortable, so we wanted them to be illegal. We found this kind of policy worked for lots of things.”
Trudeau’s announcement has left many marijuana enthusiasts more confused than usual, as they assumed their own herb had been legalized. As a result, many have been caught smoking dandelions and other common weeds thinking that they were smoking marijuana. Some have actually switched over to dandelion from marijuana, claiming that its hallucinogenic effects are stronger and that the smell is “skunkier.”
Despite the nationwide rejoicing, hoe salesmen have been negatively impacted by the legalization. Without any weeds to dig up, people are no longer interested in purchasing a skinny, good-looking hoe. Pimps, however, have reported no change in business since the announcement.
