With the COVID-19 pandemic raging out of control in the US and hundreds of thousands of Americans dead, millions of Americans decided to celebrate the origins of Thanksgiving by participating in a tradition as old as the holiday itself: spreading deadly diseases.

“Shortly after the First Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims gave smallpox contaminated blankets to the Natives,” said Giorgio Tsoukalos, a ‘historian’ more well-known as the Ancient Aliens meme guy. “Really, the only way to properly celebrate the holiday is to spread disease to friends who you give thanks with. We just don’t need the smallpox blankets this year. By the way, could you not identify me as the Ancient Aliens guy?”

“Is it dangerous to have millions of people travelling all over the country? Yes,” said Dr. Deborah Birx. “But we shouldn’t let science dictate the policy. If people stay outside for the most part, which we don’t mandate, and keep six feet apart when inside, which we also don’t mandate, and wear masks whenever possible, which we also don’t mandate, they will greatly reduce their risk of infection.”

When asked for comment about people travelling for Thanksgiving, Dr. Fauci could only shake his head and cover his face, though he quickly stopped and promptly sanitized his hands.