In a break from our Vampiric content, we bring you some actual news from Western. Around their homecoming weekend, multiple installations found their way to the University of Western Ontario’s campus. On the morning of October 1st, Western students were cheerfully greeted by a train, and a banner that declared “We’re so back.”
The train, found above the back entrance to the Spencer Engineering Building, was a tribute to Western University culture. The engine pulled behind it two cars, one that showed a beautiful metamorphosis: the famous Western mustang horse being transformed into something far more useful: children’s glue. This was followed by a car filled with the only thing Western produces more of than asshole finance bros: goose shit. This delivery was heralded by another gift to Western Eng: a new mascot in the form of a malevolent goose. While Toike reporters were unable to procure the goose’s name, in my personal opinion, a goose makes a really Shiddy mascot. The train also moved back and forth along a track, playing the occasional choo-choo noise before crashing dramatically.
This installation sent ripples through the engineering prank community, as this disproved the long-held hypothesis of all other pranking community groups: that the only way to prank another school is to fill some sort of vehicle with concrete in an inconvenient location. We shall see if this move will spark a renaissance of creativity within other schools, but the students may have been too busy scraping goose shit off of their shoes to form coherent thoughts. Hopefully, once they figure out how wheels work, the Geers can start turning.
