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Issue: January 2021

Here’s an Article About Pawn Shops for Some Reason

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

With this month’s Toike being History themed, now seems like the perfect time to publish my articles on pawn shops, conspiracy theories about aliens, and weapon forging. Most pawn shops are actually terribly unfair to thei– what? What do you mean we can’t publish this piece because it’s off topic? Pawn Stars is one of […]


From the Toike Vault: WSJ “Opinion: I’m Not Calling You Doctor, Julius”

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

Written in 1981, during the prime of basketball player Julius Erving’s career, “I’m Not Calling You Doctor, Julius” was an Op-Ed printed by the Wall Street Journal. The piece was recently uncovered by Toike archivists after the Toike purchased the small, New York based publication. At the time, the piece was widely panned for its […]


BREAKING: Nation Founded on Principle of Representation Denies That Right to Millions

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

Breaking News out of Washington DC as it has just become apparent that the United States of America, a nation supposedly founded on the principle of ‘no taxation without representation’ has been taxing millions of citizens without giving them proper representation in the government. That’s right! In a shocking twist, millions of US citizens living […]


Big Photosynthesis Wreaking Havoc In Methane Backwaters as Oxygen Levels Rise Dangerously. 

Posted on: January 31st, 2021

Vernal Pond, 3000 Million years ago: Tensions are brewing in the calm methane backwaters of the supercontinent, as anaerobic residents raise their voices against the poisoning of their environment by Photosynthesising organisms that have evolved in their area. “We are seeing an alarming rise in oxygen levels in these backwaters – not enough to cause […]


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