What is your favourite subject in school? What is your favourite colour? What do you like to do in your free time? What is your dream wedding? Congratulations! You’ve won a custom haunted mansion, how do you decorate it? And finally, what is your dream vacation spot? If you picked…. Mostly A: Count Dracula Count […]
Why don’t vampires like mosquitos?Too much competition. How do you kill a French vampire?You have to stab them with a baguette. It sounds easy, but the process is painstaking. Why don’t vampires use autocorrect?Because they love Type Os. What’s the difference between Jesus and a vampire?Where you stick the wooden stake. What do vampires drink […]
Your death in a past life! AriesYou accidentally wandered into a cult meeting and got ritually sacrificed. TaurusUnfortunately, you were fatally charged at by a bull. GeminiYou were rescued from being burnt at the stake by being turned into a vampire. CancerFor your crimes, you were hung, drawn, and quartered. LeoYou predicted your own death […]
Many are aware of the typical (boring) vampire, who is turned by a bite of a bat. However, there are many regional varieties of vampires endemic to Canada. These are far more interesting vampires with much higher salary potential*. Unfortunately, they come at the cost of getting bitten by some very different creatures in order […]
OHHHH BOYYYYYSYSYYSYSYSY FOLKSSSSS, Welcome to another article of “Random Recipes inspired by the Toike Theme that might work, but like also I have not experimented in any way so with this warning if your house burns down you can’t sue us because the warning is literally in the title of the series.” This week we’re […]
a Standard Operating Procedure (Rev. 1.2) by the Virgin Sex Columnist 1.0 Introductory Problem Statement Preliminary engineering observation shows that while couches exist in the Common Room, their potential as sexual activity-enabling infrastructure remains undocumented and under-optimized [1]. Students face a critical gap in opportunities for stress-mitigating intimacy. Attempts to fulfill this gap in alternative […]
Today, President Donald J. Trump joined Administration officials to announce major progress in understanding the root causes of vampirism, which has exploded in diagnoses over the past two decades, and unveil bold new initiatives to tackle the vampirism epidemic. Predictably, the Fake News immediately went into frenzied hyperventilation with their usual smears, distortions, and lies. […]
Hello everyone, concerned father here. Recently my offspring has been attending classes at a local high school, and has been making friends with humans. It would appear that he has stumbled upon a strange phenomenon, one that has been altering his character. I thought little of it, but he came to me one evening, speaking […]
Everyone who thinks about Twilight has one of two feelings: they either hate it, or they love to hate it. But Twilight can’t be that bad, can it? Sure it’s a cheesy teen romance, and maybe Edward’s a stalker, and God that baby was SO CREEPY, and is Jacob in love with said baby? Ok, […]
As you have probably seen, something weird is going on on campus. People getting bitten by bats, rats in the ceilings, strange requests for partners or lifestyle changes, and that doesn’t even account for whatever freaky stuff people have been getting into in the ECE common room. And I rather suspect there’s another piece to […]
