THIS IS CLEARLY JANUARY TOIKE. LOOK IT HAS JANUARY IN THE FIRST PAGE COLUMN THINGY AND EVERYTHING.

Hi, yes, I see your point – we pitched this Toike in January, we wrote this Toike in January, we edited this Toike in January, etc. But when was the Toike released? It is true, that this Toike was conceived in January – the seed that was to become this Toike was fertilised with our idea juice before February – but it did not gift us with its glorious presence until February. It was not printed until February, and it was not distributed until February. Like a child, do we not measure the Toike’s age from birth, not conception? We celebrate birthdays, not conception-days. Not to mention, all seven of our readers shan’t read this until February, so to the consumer, this is February Toike, not January Toike. To the reader, January Toike was Box Toike, which is also listed as the most recent Toike (January 2018) on the official website for the Paper. It is clear that this is February Toike, you feckless pissant.

OK I HAVE NO LEGITIMATE ARGUMENTS AGAINST THAT SO I WILL NOW BE OUTRAGED WITHOUT LOGICAL TALKING POINTS. HOW DARE YOU.