Hi all, and welcome back to Konspiracy Korner: your monthly source for theories that have, with 100% certainty, been put into words. This week we’re taking a dive into the name of Skule itself—you may think it’s a simple engineer joke, but the truth behind it goes so deep, you’ll be saying “yowch! That sure is a deep one.” by the time we’re done.
They say three things are certain in life. One is death, and two is taxes. Three is a business student’s IQ. When early UofT Engineers realized this, they sought to apply one of the business student’s own teachings against them—they would create a market and then develop the technology to fill it themselves. When the Society for the Konversion of Useless Law+Business Education (SKULE) was first founded, this mission took the form of a colouring book manufacturer, creating innovative pieces with up to 10 different colours per piece (15 was attempted, but deemed too difficult for the target audience). Over time, the market grew saturated and Skule needed a new target audience… enter the furry.
As the peak culmination of technology, design, and culture, the furry was the obvious candidate for Skule’s next campaign. The first step of this new regime was to develop all aspects of a proper fursuit, which meant new branches within Skule. Civil was created to ensure structural stability, Computer for proper AI function, Electrical to wire it, Industrial to produce it, Materials to make it soft, Mechanical to make it move, Mineral to ensure composition, and Chemical for uh… fluid management.
The conversion of business students to furries began with the creation of Rotman, a portmanteau suggesting its true purpose. So-called “students” were indoctrinated over the course of 4 years to the point of furry-ism, leaving a void market for Skule to fill. As time went on, expansion of the program led to the placement of persuasive candidates in the upper echelons of businesses around the world, spreading the reach of Skule and ensuring a market for future furries. Soon enough, we had placed members at nearly every post-secondary institution in the country (see PAGE WHERE WATERLOO MASCOT PIC IS).
Unfortunately, recent years have seen a slight dip in sales and an expansion was deemed necessary. Following this, Skule founded EngSci (to target the nerds) as well as Ryerson (high school students).