Toike: Hello fellow Toikers! We are here today with an executive from the toilet paper mogul Sharmin Xtr Strong to discuss with us the current situation, that people are now calling the TP Crisis. He has agreed to this interview under strict instructions to remain anonymous due to the sensitivity of the subject. So, my first question to you Mr. Sharmin is, how is the company coping with this spike in sales?
Sharmin: The company is adjusting surprisingly well! This spike scared us at first, but now I think we have found the perfect balance.
Toike: Is that so? How does this affect you personally? If you do not mind me asking.
Sharmin: Ah, some things are better left unsaid, but let’s just say that there have been quite a few times that my own bathroom time has been sacrificed for this company. It has left me rather…unsatisfied at times.
Toike: So, I am assuming that the rumors that Sharmin is asking the employees to bring in personal TP stock from their homes to meet the demands, including opened rolls is true?
Sharmin: (looking a bit nervous) No no, it’s not like this…anymore. There was a time when we did bring in personal stock and split the plys of paper to add to the outgoing shipment, but now things are much better.
Toike: Really? It does sound like the company has cracked the problem! How are your stocks doing now then?
Sharmin: (looks relieved) The stocks are through the roof! While the rest of the industries are suffering, the toilet paper industry is flourishing!
Toike: Umm… I kind of meant your own personal stock of toilet paper…
Sharmin: (Flustered) Oh! They are fine now, thank you for asking.
Toike: Now, our research experts here at the Toike have monitored the activity of the company, and while Sharmins prices are as high as ever, the company’s sales are much more than any other toilet paper company, who have reduced their prices. How do you explain this?
Sharmin: (tensed) Hahaha, I suppose we can just chalk it up to our superior quality.
Toike: (in a knowing tone) I hardly believe that. There must be something else.
Sharmin: (fidgeting) Really, it’s just that. We have an excellent advertising team. It makes sure that people want to buy our toilet paper over other companies.
Toike: Ah… So, there is no way to explain why your engineers are cultivating poppy plants in the factory?
Sharmin: (sweating profusely) No. Why would there be, some of our engineers are plant enthusiasts and like to take care of their plants at work. What is the big deal with that?
Toike: Why would an enthusiast have thousands of plants? Tell me Mr. Sharmin.
Sharmin: (still sweating) Where, we do not. That is just a rumor and a ridiculous one at that!
Toike: With proof it’s not! We have information from a reliable source that the poppy is being cultivated so that it can be added to the paper pulp to cause people to get addicted to the product. Now Mr. Sharmin, IS THIS TRUE. OUR READERS DESERVE THE TRUTH.
Sharmin: (sweating buckets at this point) OKAY! Yes, yes we add poppy to the paper! So what? It’s a harmless addition! No one gets hurt and the company benefits from this! We just wanted to save ourselves from bankruptcy which was where we were heading towards right before the spike.
Toike: AHA! Finally, the truth! Thank you, Mr. Sharmin. That will be all.
Toike: Readers, as you can clearly see here, the toilet paper crisis that seems, for the most part innocent in nature, has an extremely dark side! Be careful with buying your toilet paper from now and hoard anything BUT Sharmin! Safe to say that they are not our sponsors anymore. Who knows, they might have been spiking the Toike printing paper as well.