With all the Fake News being spewed out by the media pundolts about the so-called Coronavirus, I thought it would be prudent of me to weigh into the conversation. Now friends, if you’ve read any piece I’ve ever written, or listened to my Podcast Truth Time with Jon Alecks on Player FM, you know that Jon Alecks doesn’t like to discuss any topic he hasn’t thoroughly researched himself extensively on his own in a highly meticulous way. Well, when I decided to weigh in on this topic, I did just that so that, instead of the “expert opinions” and “consensus of the vast majority of the scientific community”, I could bring you the facts I painstakingly uncovered through carefully executed investigative journalism. This is the Truth about the Coronavirus. 

So, friends, let’s start with the initial outbreak of the Coronavirus. Now I’ve been hearing for weeks that this man-made biological weapon was made by communist bats in China with help from some other as-of-yet unidentified enemy animals. Well, folks, as always, Jon Alecks has caught the deep state in a lie as my source, who wishes to remain anonymous to protect himself, says that COVID does NOT have a terrestrial origin. This theory is confirmed by world-renowned astrobiologist and xeno-epidemiologist Chandra Wickramasinghe, who states unequivocally that COVID originated from a fireball from outer-space that landed on Earth. While he was certainly close, my source states that COVID actually crash-landed on Earth decades ago when aliens crashed in Roswell, New Mexico. 

Now, you may be asking yourself ‘Jon, if COVID has been on Earth since the 40’s, how come it’s taken this long for it to get out?’ Well, the answer to that question is the deep state, which secreted these aliens away in a secret base to study them. Unfortunately, the damage done to the deep state over the last 4 years has left them incompetent, leading to the aliens’ escape. When they were finally free, the aliens started interacting with humans, possibly unaware that their equivalent of allergies was actually a contagious and deadly virus to humans.  

Now, I want to continue with that train of thought, readers, but first, let’s take a look at the nefarious actions of the Global Communist Government controlled deep state, who have managed to get governments around the world to actually HELP THEM COVER THIS UP! Knowing that critical-thinkers like you and me would discover their monumental screw up, the deep state quickly took control of the situation, starting the Raid Area 51 movement on Facebook. Now, I reached out to the US Government to see what relationship they have with Area 51 Raid organizer Jackson Barnes, and they replied immediately after a dozen emails and phone calls saying “Jackson Barnes is not now nor has he ever been employed by the Government of the United States of America.” If that’s not irrefutable proof that he’s working for Area 51, I don’t know what is. 

You’re probably asking yourself right now “what on God’s Flat Earth does the deep state have to gain by trying to get people to raid their secret base?” Well, I have to admit that this question stumped me for a little while. Until I realized that this is just another governmental false flag operation, meant to confuse their enemy, the people of the United States. You see, this “event” had two main goals. First and foremost, they wanted you to focus on Area 51. Why? Because the aliens were moved out of Area 51 in 2013 when sleuths like you and me forced them to confirm its existence to the world. Sure, they still keep a bunch of their nuclear research there but the aliens were moved to Area 56, a more secure lab located in – where else but the country that controls the deep state – CHINA!  

Now, obviously the deep state doesn’t want us to raid any of their secret bases since they don’t want us to know that they know that we know what we know. This is where the second reason for their “Fakebook” event comes into play. By controlling the planning for the raid, the deep state was able to insert ridiculous elements into the plans so that rational Americans like you and me wouldn’t take it seriously. A raid on a secret research facility in Nevada to uncover the truth sounds perfectly reasonable but “running Naruto-style to move faster than the bullets” is just absurd. The deep state knew that, by making the event sound as ridiculous as possible, rational people would ignore every plan to Raid Area 51 as another part of the meme.  

Even without a raid on Area 51 or Area 56, eventually observant people would notice aliens walking around in the streets. Or at least we would have noticed had the deep state not convinced governments around the world to implement “mask mandates”. Why? Because the unknown number of escaped aliens have their mouths where their genitals are supposed to be and vice versa. That’s right, friends. Your government is unconstitutionally forcing you to wear a mask and cover your genitals in public because they don’t want you to realize that they are allowing these illegal extraterrestrials to HIDE AMONG US!  

Alright, getting back to the escaped aliens, you may be wondering “Jon, where does 5G fit into all of this?” Well, my friends, the virus itself has NOTHING to do with 5G technology or the mysterious toilet paper shortages tormenting the nation. Not directly at least. You see, as soon as the aliens escaped the secret labs they were trapped in, they put into action their master invasion plan by “giving” us 5G technology. Little did we the people know that “5G” stood for “5 Greeks” – as in the 5 Greeks who hid inside a gift to Poseidon on the Trojan beach – because 5G technology turned out to be a TROJAN HORSE! Sure, it increased wireless speeds in the developed world, but it also started releasing – say it with me – MICROBOTS THAT HAVE BEEN PROBING US EVER SINCE!  

These microbots are constantly floating around in the air we breathe, sneaking into our homes at night and entering our BUTTHOLES! Once inside your rectum, they take samples and transmit the data back to the mothership over – you guessed it – the new high-speed wireless network from which they were birthed! Have you been probed? How can you be sure? Well friends, I wish I could alleviate your fears. But, unfortunately, there is no way to know for sure whether or not you have in fact been probed. Except for one behavioral change. Friends, if you find yourself with an irrational desire to buy massive amounts of toilet paper, you have likely been probed. 

That’s right friends, the great toilet paper shortages of 2020 haven’t been caused by panic buying and fears of extended quarantines. No, friends, these poor souls are compulsively buying toilet paper because they are trying – and failing – to get the microbots out of their rectums. Even if they were to succeed in removing the microbots, it’s unclear whether the damage would start to heal itself or if that nagging desire to scrape one’s anus clean would persist.  

So there you have it, folks. A global pandemic, a fake raid on a secret military base, worldwide unconstitutional mask mandates, and 5G towers causing a shortage of toilet paper. To some sheeple, these may seem like unrelated events. But, as always, when you dig a little deeper like Jon Alecks does, you can find definitive proof that it was all caused by the ever-incompetent, Global Communist Government controlled deep state. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Truth.