RE: “’Toike Oike’ Circulation Reaches Double-Digits as Shivering Students Begin Using Paper as Fire-Starter”, published by The Boundary, March 8, 2018.
What the fuck did you just fucking say about us, you little tabloid rag? Well have you know we graduated top of our class in the ClickHole Academy of Reporting, and weve been involved in numerous meme wars with The Varsity, and we have over 300 confirmed words in this paper. We are trained in serious satire and were the top publication in the entire University of Toronto. You are nothing to us but just another 9GAG. We will wipe you the fuck out with articles and graphics the likes of which has never been seen before on St. George campus, mark our fucking words. You think you can get away with publishing that shit about us over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak we are contacting the Canadian University Press and your alternative facts are being censored from Google right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your newspaper. Youre fucking unpublishable, kid. We can publish anywhere, anytime, and we can out-lampoon you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with our summer edition. Not only are we extensively trained in captioning images, but we have access to the entire arsenal of the Internet’s image macros and we will use them to there full extent to overwrite your miserable periodical off the face of the printers, you little shit. If only you could have known what satirical retribution your little clever article was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have targeted The Cannon instead. But you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn humourless cretin. We will shit parody all over you and you will drown in it. Youre fucking not funny, kiddo.