Smart Multitasking for the 21st Centuary Sex is a big industry. Each year, billions of dollars are spent on various paraphernalia, from birth control to BDSM. But since we’re already spending so much on getting it on, why should we have to buy new kitchen gadgets too? Save yourself a trip to Canadian Tire […]
THIS IS CLEARLY JANUARY TOIKE. LOOK IT HAS JANUARY IN THE FIRST PAGE COLUMN THINGY AND EVERYTHING. Hi, yes, I see your point – we pitched this Toike in January, we wrote this Toike in January, we edited this Toike in January, etc. But when was the Toike released? It is true, that this […]
This monthly column features a titillating discussion between brothers Norman and Gordon McLuhan from Moose Jaw. This month’s column is brought to you by loneliness. Loneliness – looks like it’s just you and Ol’ Lefty again tonight. Norm: Hi, I’m Norm McLuhan, and this is my brother, Gord – Gord: Hi. Norm: – and […]
Shocking news hit the sporting community last week after the International Olympic Committee officially barred all Russian semiconductor physicists from participating in events at Seoul 2018. The IOC cited longstanding concerns over doping practices among the researchers. It is widely confirmed that dozens of Russians have practiced doping, introducing impurities into their crystal structures in […]
This is a translation of an article from the North Korean magazine [REDACTED] . After not fielding any professional athletes for the 2018 Winter Olympics, the Canadian Hockey Team is at a disadvantage compared to the glorious North Korean team. The publication team here at [REDACTED]would like to remind you that Great Leader Kim […]
Local tissue box speaks about horrors of living with a horny teenager In a press release last Friday, local tissue box Scott Kleenex opened up about his horrific experiences serving in a horny teenager’s room. “I was assigned to his room when he was 18 and just starting engineering school,” began Scott. “I […]
TORONTO, ON – Elderly marketing mogul Bartholomew “Barty” Sampson recently revealed that he has suffered a 7% decrease in net worth and penile length. “Yeah, my wallet and genitals both took a real hit last quarter when our agency’s stock plummeted. Might have to sell the cottage.” Stated the suffering businessman. Sampson’s company, […]
This article was originally intended for the December edition of the Toike Oike. TORON-TOIKE, ONTOIKE-IO – In a first for the University of Toronto-based satirical newspaper, a writer has submitted an article that accurately reflects the political climate and popular culture in January. Unfortunately for the anonymous contributor, their article will not be published […]
Brothers and Sisters of the Toike! These are dark times for our newspaper! Look at these vile pages and realise the filth that abounds! Fornication and indulgentment. Impiety and malfeasance. Dildos and puns. These spawns of Satan have been packaged, oozingly, into this abomination called SexToike. Turn your gaze away from the lascivious hedonism […]
“Can you tell them that I did a good job?” – Daniel “Iceberg the Spiceberg” Charpentier Last week, Skule Nite executives begged staff from the Toike Oike to watch an advance screening of the 3D version of the show. Overall, the show really lacked depth, mostly since the Toike Oike lost our 3D glasses in […]
