It is an indisputable fact that the first furries were the Ancient Greeks. They literally worshipped beings who transformed themselves into animals to have sex with mortals and sire obscure gods and demigods. Ever heard of Europa? Banged Zeus after he turned into a bull. How about Ganymede? Flew eagle-Zeus, if you know what I mean. 

Pfft. Have you SEEN any hieroglyphs lately? Ever see Anubis? Now that’s a beefcake dog fursona I can get behind. Or put behind me if you know what I mean. If this was purely about which Ancient culture was fonder of bestiality, the Greeks would have it hands down. But furries don’t fuck the actual animals, you bigoted Cretan cretin.

First off, great work on the word play there! I mean, Cretan cretin? That’s topical as fuck and it stung like a jellyfish dipped in lemon juice.

Really?

Oh yeah. I mean, I really feel bad about myself.

Wow. Thanks for saying that. It means a lot.

No problem. You earned it. But you’re way off about the Greeks. Just ‘cuz their fursonas had a higher production value doesn’t mean they weren’t true furries. Besides, did the Egyptian Gods even get any?

…not to my knowledge.

Exactly, you sexually repressed furry wannabe. So step the fuck off.