Let me start off by saying that typing out this article physically pains me. My shoulders are cramping up, and my fingers feel heavy and hesitant. 

Yet, here we are. 

Allow me to preface by saying that this is all more or less a true story. Back in my high school days, I would spend a lot of time in the parking lot. My gang and I would hide behind our chemistry teacher’s Mercedes and eat Cheetos. The good old days. Sometimes when we were hanging out there, we would see princess kittenwolf walk by – usually on a leash. 

Since I was young, I didn’t understand what was happening, and now, as age has changed me, I do. That was a lot of commas but you get the point. Ostensibly, princess was our resident teenage furry. She wore a collar with heart shaped tags, cat/wolf ears, and a tail always sticking out of the back of her pants. Her existence was to role-play as a pet to her friends, and there were murmurings that her partner was an ‘owner’ in the furry community. I still don’t even know what that means, and I sure as hell don’t care to. 

For the most part, princess was ignored by the school [except for one particular history/anthropology teacher who had a weird fascination with her]. Our classmates would crack a smile whenever she walked by in the hallways swishing her tail behind her – she got away with a lot for a mandatory uniform school. 

… And that’s pretty much it. I never had enough interactions with princess to feel obliged to pass judgement on her. I know that in this issue of the Toike Oike, much of our humour is focussed on the furry craze, and yet, I can’t bring myself to satirize the subculture. Perhaps it’s the lasting influence of princess kittenwolf, whom I only knew in passing. More likely, it’s probably because I don’t really care. 

*sigh* Can we do a Psychedelics Toike soon?