The University of Toronto’s Career Centre has announced a new experimental rehabilitation program for students returning from their PEY years. The program is the first of its kind in North America, and will be designed to rehabilitate students to the casual fuckery of university, which can be a shock to students who have acclimatized to the professional world. The program will include workshops on binge drinking, sleeping in common rooms, procrastination, and downward spirals.
The University’s bold move has come in response to several instances on campus of students having mental breakdowns while staring at the nutritional information on instant ramen bowls, during lectures about proof-of-concept mathematics which are inapplicable outside of the classroom, and in mandatory 7PM tutorials. Mental health officials have dubbed it “PeyTSD Syndrome”, and are frantically trying to determine the best treatment for the condition.
We spoke to returning 4th year student James Galowski about his experiences as part of the PEY program. He described his placement as “fairly decent, once I completed the WHMIS and OSHA courses for the 5th time. Unlike the ones I took at UofT, these actually came with a certificate of completion, so I hope I won’t have to do them again the next time a prof decides we should work with hydrochloric acid.”
One student refused to elaborate on his experience at his placement, muttering only “11,346 cups of coffee, 3752 Tims runs” on an endless, tortured loop.
The University of Toronto’s announcement comes just days after the Career Centre revealed the new Pregnancy Experience Year, which will allow couples to take 12 to 16 months to gestate, birth and raise their own biological children 9 months after that one crazy Nuit Blanche. The program is intended to provide engineers with a more hands-on understanding of how parenthood is also a full-time job.
While there has been no shortage of desperate volunteers for the copulation workshops, overall enrolment has been fairly low. Many relationships in engineering still carry the same stigma as winning the lottery, spotting Bigfoot, or actually getting a good PEY placement.
