Okay, I know this is Shark Toike but I think it’s obvious to everyone that the ugliest dolphins are a million times more fuckable than the sexiest shark.

 

You cannot be serious! Dolphins are infinitely sexier! I mean, their noses are like a pre-lubed dildo if you’re into that sort of thing. And, if you’re not, there’s a part of their anatomy that’s literally called the blowhole! Good luck getting’ a good BJ from an animal that CAN’T BREATHE AIR!

Okay, I get the picture. That was really graphic.

Fair point.

Yeah, I guess you’re right. Maybe they’re equally as fuckable. I mean, in the immortal words of Brittany S. Pierce, “dolphins are just gay sharks”.

…

………..yeah.

Are you fucking kidding me right now? I won’t stand for thisblatant misinformation in the world’s—no, the ocean’s most trusted newspaper. SHARKS ARE THE MOST FUCKABLE NOUN TO EVER EXIST!

I’m glad you brought up the breathing argument because I’m seriously concerned a dolphin might drown if it went down on me. Like maybe not, because who the fuck gets wet for a dolphin? But just thinking about a shark literally eating me turns my-

You wanted to stick your dick in a dolphin’s blowhole and I’m somehow the gross one?

You know what, even though dolphins are mammals and sharks are fish, maybe they’re really not all that different.

Hmm. Wise words.

You know that dolphins are the frat-boy douche bags of the sea, right?