Sharkboy and Lavagirl debuted in the cult classic film, called – you guessed it – Sharkboy and Lavagirl. In this popular cinematic tale, the duo defeats their enemies in a series of events I really couldn’t summarize, even after reading the Wikipedia page several times. Just know that Sharkboy almost died like, twice, via electric eels.
Anyways, in the standalone follow-up movie called We Can Be Heroes, it’s revealed that Sharkboy and Lavagirl had a child. And that got me thinking, because Sharkboy and Lavagirl never really confirmed that Sharkboy was a shark or a boy. Or was he a hybrid? I have no fucking idea. The point is, wouldn’t that make his child a product of bestiality???
When I brainstormed this investigation, I came up with two different possibilities:
- Sharkboy is a shark and his child is a product of bestiality.
- Sharkboy is a furry/scaly/shurry and Lavagirl is joining in on the fun.
These two ideas were a good start, but they had no basis…nothing was set in stone. I had no choice but to ask the Toike Investigative team, who rubbed their grimy, freaky little hands together in glee at the notion of medically examining Sharkboy.
With their reliable universe-traversing skills, they managed to trick Sharkboy into a doctor’s appointment. The results were weird as hell. Apparently, Sharkboy isn’t a simple combination of shark and boy. He’s actually a messed up, janked mixture of a shark, a boy, and eldritch components that “shouldn’t exist in any world in any capacity.”
In other words, he’s a monster, and that makes Lavagirl a monsterfucker. What an anticlimatic conclusion. I was really hoping the director would actually do something interesting, but noooo. They just had to make Lavagirl a run-of-the-mill monsterfucker.
I guess I’ll just wait for the next Sharkboy and Lavagirl movie to come out. Not gonna lie, I always liked Fireboy and Watergirl more (iykyk), and that’s got me thinking about what their kid would look like. Steam? Hydrogen and oxygen atoms? Only one way to find out.
