After an almost four-year (plus PEY) study at the University of Toronto’s Faculty of Applied Science and Engineering, it has been found that civil engineers are not, in fact, civil.

Hugh J. Wang, a Civ 1T5 and lead author of the study, applied to U of T seeking an education that would allow him to make a difference in the world while maintaining his statuses as both a scholar and a gentleman. Despite having heard in high school rumours of engineering debauchery, Wang assumed that the Department of Civil Engineering would be free of any incivility. Instead, Wang found quite the opposite.

Over the duration of the study, he discovered so-called “civil” engineers partaking in the same uncivil behaviour as other engineers, including excessive drinking, vulgar cheers, and loud public conversations about Skule Nite. In addition, civil engineers were frequently recorded discussing “erections,” “rigid members,” and “distributed loads.” Luckily, as with ECEs and EngScis, civil engineers did not appear to engage in any sort of premarital sex, although the masturbation habits of all three disciplines have drawn concern in the past.

While Wang found his educational experience valuable overall, he is pursuing his master’s degree in something hopefully less irreverent: the formal sciences. “I’ve already had my father order me one dozen bespoke three-piece suits,” said Wang. “I just hope that I don’t get baited again for my master’s.”