We need to have a little talk about Zootopia. A serious talk. What was it all about? Is it some alternate universe where humans never evolved, leaving various animals to evolve into the dominant species? Is it some forgotten past before some cataclysmic event that destroyed animal civilization, causing them to regress and allowing for the evolution of the stupid meatbags we call humans? Or is it something more sinister? A dark omen of a future after humanity’s time has passed and the age of the Furry has begun?

Call me a pessimist but I choose to believe that Zootopia is not warning us about our future Furry existence but preparing us for it. That it is actively working to ensure this future rather than prevent it from coming to pass. That its goal is to mainstream and normalize the sub-culture so we let our guard down.

They put a dummy thicc bunny cop in front of us and expect us to swoon over her big, purple eyes…or her bushy tail…um, where was I?

Right, it’s not going to work Disney! In your efforts to arouse us into acceptance, you’ve only made it more evident what we stand to lose if we let you succeed. That’s right. I declare Zootopia a cautionary tail, shit, I mean tale. Fuck! I can’t stop thinking about Judy’s tail.

CURSE YOU, DISNEY!