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Brontosaur Determined to be the Most Bro Dinosaur of All Time

An amazing discovery earlier this month in Gainesville, FL has led to one of the most enlightening conclusions in contemporary paleontology. A Brontosaurus was found covering an Allosaur just before dying, as if he was trying to save poor therapod’s life. The abundance of ash and solidified magma at the dig site suggests that these two were in the wrong place at the wrong time during a volcano eruption.

Gainesville, the city where the dinosaurs were found, was also voted the most bro city in America. Coincidence? I think not. Of course, this shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone since the city was named for its abundance of gyms. An interview with a Gainesville local helped us shed more light into the situation:

“Yoooo bro. I’m not even surprised these dinosaurs were found patting themselves in the back like real bros. This is what this town needs to see. Together, we can do anything. We have to unite, hug each other like those dinos and help each other out. When I go to the gym, I can’t find anyone to spot me for the bench. No one wants anyone else to succeed. How else am I gonna increase my bench maximum if no one spots me? I hope – one day – we can all be as human as those reptiles were.”

Since this local resident needed to rush to the gym before the diameter of his arm shrunk to 18”, he was only able to leave the Toike with these final remarks: “If the bar ain’t bending, you’re just pretending.” However, when asked about the finding, excavation site director Anita Digger was able to give some of the scenarios that are being proposed within the paleontology community.

“As we all know, the Allosaurus was among the most muscular dinosaurs of the Jurassic era. They hunted in packs and had ballin’ cardio, but fairly small arms and no way to protect themselves from danger.

“Hence, the Brontosaurus, using its long neck to observe from above and its tail to bal- ance at high speeds, was able to reach to the Allosaur and try saving it from the falling ashes and molten lava. However, this led to both of the dinosaurs being burned together, resulting in this magnificent artifact. In other words, Big-Al never skipped leg day, but the Brontosaurus knew he had to work out his core and ran to his gym spotter to try saving his life.”

The intriguing relationships among dinosaurs don’t end there. Experts think that the main reason behind the Bron- tosaurus’ elongated neck was for helping the smaller species gather food from tall trees to beef up. It looks like the reason why the Stegosaurus never raised it’s head farther above the ground in millions of years was the fact that it was already getting all the help it needs from the most bro dino.