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Gorilla Falls Out of Own Enclosure, Forcing Zoo Staff to Shoot Toddler


In an extremely controversial turn of events at a midwestern zoo earlier this week, the accidental exit of a four hundred pound silverback from its cage resulted in an untimely death for a small child. Staff were left with no choice but to put the innocent creature down lest it do any harm (intentional or not) to the ape. Since the incident, public uproar has ensued, with many calling the zoo establishment to review their policies.

While many are angered by a decision they claim was unjust, several zoologists have defended the call that had to be made in only a moment by the apologetic zookeepers. “In situations like these, you just can’t afford to take chances,” says one expert. “These humans, many aren’t likely to be a threat, and ninety percent of the time they’re very friendly, but ultimately we can’t control their natural instincts.”

Others have gone on to explain that while it is not certain that the misplaced primate would have met with injury during its surprise encounter, many gorillas have fallen victim to startled or angry humans in the past. Accidental encounters in the wild have been fatal so many times that several gorilla species are now considered endangered. Experts say that while the situation is regrettable, the only way to be sure of protecting the gargantuan anthropoid was with a well-aimed bullet in the cherubic body of the potential attacker.

Enraged activists have cast blame on the family of the errant silverback for not watching him more closely, while others have fired back with the assertion that such attacks were racially slanted. For their part, the family has declined to comment, and were last seen chewing random pieces of rope while eating ticks out of each others furry backsides.

The Internet, naturally, has done its part in turning the tragedy into mainstream culture, with hundreds of memes now idolizing little Richard Dawson, who was neutralized shortly after the gorilla landed on the pathway next to him. Many memesters are encouraging their communities to remove the gorilla statuettes from the shrines they had built after a strikingly parallel incident during the summer and replace them with statues of the boy. In other words, thousands are now pulling their Harambes out for Dick.

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