While the history of the world has been a collection of people with equally distressing and confounding interests that were somehow related to one another, the one constant fascination that has, for the lack of a better phrase, made the world turn round is pickles. So, it stands to reason that for this glorious issue of the Toike Oike, we shed light on a few of the most infamous pickles through the ages.
The Rockstar pickle: The legendary guitarist, Jimi Hendrix, not only lives on today in his music but also a pickle cast. This cast came about – in true 60s fashion – due to an art project that quickly became a collection for the “Plaster Caster” Cynthia. So apparently, celebrities in the 60s were not only weirdly easy to meet but were also enthusiastic(?) into shoving their pickle(s) into plaster. I guess groupies do reign supreme. Although it is rather ambiguous where this (as specified by Hendrix in what I can assume is some sort of cover up) “half-mast” pickle resides currently, it would have been quite a sight.
The Mystical pickle: There is a very short story to be narrated here. The story of Ra Ra Rasputin, the lover of the Russian Queen. After losing his life (I think the king was just jealous he didn’t get any mystical pickle, but who knows), the pickle was removed from its owner and kept as a souvenir. Somehow (trust me when I say that I have absolutely no idea how), the pickle ended up being worshipped by a group of women in Paris. Obviously, Rasputin’s daughter heard of this (just imagine how that conversation went down) and demanded the pickle back. That should’ve and would’ve been the end of the matter but two decades later, a collector (and apparently a blind one at that) came and showcased A SEA CUCUMBER (this is an insult to pickles everywhere), as the mystics pickle. There is something that resembles the giant pickle in a Russian museum, but I’d like to think it is living its best life in an expensive beach house somewhere.
The Presidential pickle: While Lyndon B. Johnson may be known for his “Great Society” reforms, it isn’t the only thing that has left a lasting impression on American political journalism. Jumbo the pickle has a special spot saved in the minds and words of the people that met or were ever in the presence of the 36th president, only because the man seemed to be an extension of his pickle. Not only did he constantly fiddle with Jumbo the pickle even in the presence of company, he also allegedly had a habit of whipping out Jumbo the pickle to show it off to people every chance he got. I think it’s safe to say that if the guy wasn’t elected (who knows how or why that happened), he would’ve made a top-class trench coat flasher.
The Heil-ed pickle: Adolf Hitler and his pickle has been in discussion between historians for a long time – for separate reasons of course. I will not be going into the details, but Hitler was said to have had a “janked” pickle, which people somehow concluded equates to a micropickle. (Guess even the Führer wasn’t spared from the rumour mill). Well, this seemed to really bother him and his rather frail ego, as it has been mentioned multiple times that he used to inject himself with bull pickle juice for, well… quality assurance.
The Revolutionary pickle: The world has been inexplicably obsessed with Napoleon Bonaparte’s pickle for centuries now, and all of it started when some creep doctor cut the tiny pickle during the autopsy, just for “safe-keeping” (déjà vu much?). So now that the pickle was finally free, it wanted to see the world! It somehow ended up with a London bookseller?? (hey, don’t look at me, people have weird kinks). From there, what we think is the Bonaparte’s part, travelled to Philadelphia and was then auctioned off to a Dr. Latimer, whose home is still the current residence of the pickle, in New Jersey of all places. It makes you wonder what else you can find in New Jersey.
