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Mulcair’s Beard Turns Out to Be Small, Furry Rodent

NDP leader Thomas Mulcair has found himself in quite a hairy situation after his beard was revealed to be a small, furry rodent. Mulcair’s “beard” reportedly perked its head up in the middle of a press conference and scurried away through an opening in the crowd, squeaking, “FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST!” Audience members were terrified as the furball zipped away with Mulcair, baby-faced and orange with embarrassment, in hot pursuit, shouting “Come back Ferris! Daddy loves you!”

Mulcair’s approval ratings sharply dropped following the debacle, especially among hipsters, who only supported Mulcair because of his non-mainstream, lumberjack-like beard. However, Ferris has piqued the interest of the zoology community, which claims he is an undiscovered and possibly endangered species. According to eyewitness reports, Ferris was last seen at a rendezvous with multibillionaire U.S. presidential candidate and all-around asshole Donald Trump’s hair.