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Issue: October 2015

Dear Miss Ogeny

Posted on: October 2nd, 2015

Dating Advice that’s Totally Up to Date!


UTSU’s Secret Letter to the PM

Posted on: October 2nd, 2015

A recently approved Freedom of Information request by the Toike Oike reveals the contents of a letter Stephen Harper received several months ago from past UTSU executives. As firm believers in transparency and accountability in the democratic process, we have published the letter’s contents. “Dear Mr. Prime Minister, We represent the 2014-2015 executive council of […]


UTSU Releases Grizzly Bear on Campus to Liven up Midterm Season

Posted on: October 2nd, 2015

Toronto – Responding to a bevy of mauling complaints, a UTSU spokesperson has confirmed that a live grizzly bear was released somewhere in the vicinity of Front Campus earlier this week. “Yeah, that was us,” VP Fauna Cole L. Baird said in a prepared statement to the Toike. “Last month we all put our heads […]


Trudeau Proposes Blazing 420 Highway to Ottawa

Posted on: October 2nd, 2015

Liberal leader Justin Trudeau has recently added to his controversial platform a proposition to extend Canada’s Highway 420 from the Niagara region to the nation’s capital.  It will be a joint venture between the Liberals and the Green Party.  The plan was cordially brought forward to, and was subsequently rejected by Conservatives across Canada, who […]


Harper Source Code Found

Posted on: October 2nd, 2015

Written in LISP


Mulcair’s Beard Turns Out to Be Small, Furry Rodent

Posted on: October 2nd, 2015

NDP leader Thomas Mulcair has found himself in quite a hairy situation after his beard was revealed to be a small, furry rodent. Mulcair’s “beard” reportedly perked its head up in the middle of a press conference and scurried away through an opening in the crowd, squeaking, “FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST!” Audience members […]


Kijiji Hostage Negotiations Draw to a Close

Posted on: October 2nd, 2015

Victim’s Parents Confused, but Relieved


Justin Trudeau’s Tips for Essential Beauty

Posted on: October 2nd, 2015

Look Like a Leader this Election Season