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Opinion: How Do You Learn History Without Statues?

In recent years, the so-called tolerant left has decided that statues of patriotic Americans (who declared war on America) fighting for States’ rights (to own other humans) are somehow offensive to the descendants of the people un-gainfully employed (and literally owned) by the people immortalized in publicly owned statues. Now, I’m not going to drone on about how the leaders of the Confederacy who rebelled against the United States of America were actually American heroes and not treasonous traitors. I think that fact is generally accepted and therefore not up for debate. No, the question I have for the alt-left is this: why are you trying to erase the great history of our nation?

I don’t know how history is taught to the coastal elites but, when I was a kid, we would each get about a dozen statues every year for our history class. We had statues for all the important events like the World Wars (which we were definitely not at all late for in either occasion) and the Revolutionary War. Personally, I had four statues just for the Civil War that I had to bring with me to open-statuary tests.

If we get rid of these statues, how else are kids supposed to learn about our nation’s rich history? It’s not like humans have invented a system of symbols that can convey information when correctly ordered on a pressed piece of dead tree or on some sort of electronic display. Besides, if somethin’ ain’t broke, don’t fix it. It’s clear that statues are successfully teaching children that the Confederates were just defending their rights and should be held in the highest esteem, which is accurate information and certainly won’t lead to the creation of several problematic domestic terrorist citizens’ militia groups.

It’s clear that there is no alternative to statue education, nor is there any downside to it, meaning the communist left’s ultimate goal is complete cultural erasure. They are trying to erase American History because they just hate America. So, the question we need to now ask ourselves is “are we going to sit by and watch as they do this or are we going to stand up and stop them?”

Editor’s Note: The Toike is in no way legally responsible for the actions of its readers and has successfully argued in court that no rational person would take this publication seriously. So checkmate, Libs.