Look, I just think their passive aggressiveness needs to stop. Just ‘cause they don’t get as much aqussy as us doesn’t mean they should channel that energy to tough personas. It really isn’t necessary to be this fake, can they chill the fuck out?
I mean, sure they have that ‘will eat you up, after (or before…sometimes it can’t wait, we don’t judge <3 ) i tie you up and fuck you hard’ type of aura, complete with a very attractive bite kink and equally smooth skin (lots and LOTS of skin, so much potential *gasps* well, not really cause you know, you don’t get to live up to it..anyways, I digress), but they really can’t compare with how we just take what we want with no questions asked and actually leave who we fuck happy…perhaps clueless that they just got fucked, but hey, still very happy and…alive. Anyways, was consent really ever a thing?
But what do sharks do, huh? Those little bitches don’t even care whether they’re acting socially acceptable or not, they just go in for the bite, and then swallow (sometimes spit…again, we don’t judge <3 ). Their likeable characteristics are honestly pretty low in comparison to ours, everyone LOVES us, you know you do. Yes, sometimes me and my equally charming friends may act a little…inappropriate, but the other person always seems as excited to do scandalous things with us as we are, so who dares judge? Let us live, at least we make people scream in more favorable ways, unlike those little sex-deprived bitches.
Anyways, we definitely are empathetic enough to realize that they’re just lonesome creatures. Even if they use their pent-up energy for the wrong reasons, they do deserve some happiness. Therefore, in the name of making people happy, let me educate you on how to safely but effectively hug your nearest lonely shark (this is very much encouraged to do so as making others happy should always be a priority kids):
- Get them from behind.
Everyone knows that hugs from the behind are the best (other activities may be as well for you, but that’s a personal choice…again, we don’t judge <3). Just wrap your arms around their smooth (and very sexually-stimulating – I’m trying to hype them up, sigh just humor me for a minute, they’re lonely!!) skin, and let fate work the way its meant to. You couldn’t regret it (cause you might not live to, but don’t think about that right now, it’s not important…), I promise.
- Tackle them into it.
If they can’t see it coming, the more effective it’ll be. The more chances there are of you playfully playing tag with them afterwards as well. Isn’t that cute? Oh look, they’re it again. Maybe you should swim away a bit faster, they’re really gaining in on you..
- Bury your head into them and close your eyes – (seductively, of course ;) )
Trust me, it’ll honestly make everything easier…
Anyways, I’m going to go fu- make someone very happy now. You should go hug your nearest shark, even if they’re a little sex-deprived bitch. Have fun!
Editor’s note: The Toike Oike is not responsible for whatever may or may not happen to you should this
itemized list be followed. Frankly, if something were to happen, we wouldn’t be all that disappointed because anyone who reads and/or listen to anything any of our authors say should be snatched out of
existence by Natural Selection. I mean, come on, these idiots begged me to dress as Maids, ffs.
