The University of Toronto announced today that the Engineering Career Centre will be closed, after it was revealed that the PEY program had been operating as a Ponzi scheme for the last decade.

Instead of student services, fees paid by PEY participants were used on luxury items for the ECC offices, including electric staplers and paper cutters (for making origami cranes out of the resumes submitted by students for feedback), Egyptian cotton sheets for pull-out couches (for the mandatory workplace napping sessions), and flat-screen TVs (for live streaming… sports. Yeah, sports).

A student representative commented on the anger felt by students and the possibility of a student-led protest against the ECC: “Well, people are pretty mad, but protests are usually designed to disrupt actual activity and I don’t think there was ever much of that happening at the ECC offices.” In contrast, the President of the You’re Next Career Network spent the day outside the ECC offices with an ear-to-ear grin on his face and a wistful gaze in his eyes, dreaming of a career centre that is actually effective. Reports of confused students who thought YNCN was the Engineering Career Centre continue to circulate amongst the faculty.

At press time, disgruntled complaints about the stupidity of “these kids and their LinkedIn” could be heard emanating from the ECC office. Concerned ECC staffers and career counsellors were seen staring at blank pieces of paper, wondering what a good resume is supposed to look like.