Dear reader, unless your parents hated you as a child and didn’t let you watch Phineas & Ferb OR you lived under an actual rock, you have most likely encountered at some point that creepy and depressing fan theory about how the show was inspired by the story of a schizophrenic girl who thought her brothers were always onto something. Personally, I think this theory is overrated because A) it doesn’t change the way I look at Candace (I already knew bitches be crazy), and B) this is not what kids want to know! Out of all the unanswered questions in Phineas & Ferb, there are far more simple and much more urgent ones that are both scientifically fascinating and socially pressing. The one that every kid (with a happy childhood) has wondered is, why the heck is Phineas’ head a fricken triangle!?!? This is a question that truly matters, and, dear reader, after months of intense research and failed anatomical experiments, the Toike has found the answer.
We’ll skip over all the boring theories and urgh methodology and jump right to the juicy conclusion: Phineas’ head is triangle-shaped because … (*insert drumroll*)… he is the son of Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz!!! Yes, you read it correctly. And it makes total sense! Hear me out.
Isn’t it weird that the show gives us zero information about Phineas’ biological father? We just know that after giving birth to her son, Linda Flynn randomly married some Lawrence dude who already had another son. No mention of any previous marriages. Coincidentally though, we know that Linda had a high-school boyfriend who was no other than young Heinz Doofenshmirtz himself! That scene in the drive-in theatre where he tells her to come out of the car trunk saying, “The coast is cleaaarrr!” (Please, read that in Doof’s voice for a more immersive experience) is an obvious hint that something very fishy was going on. This date didn’t seem to go too well, though, because Linda looked pissed as she came out of the car. Perhaps disappointed at his tiny-sized “inator”? Honestly, this would explain his constant inferiority complex throughout the show, and probably also the reason why he hates his brother Roger, who definitely has some big-dick energy. But seriously, isn’t it suspicious that Linda went out with literally the only other triangle-headed person in all of the Tri-State area?
If you still think that the head shape is a mere coincidence, what about the fact that both Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Phineas are engineers? If you think about it, they represent the two sides of the EngSci coin. Phineas is fun, cheerful, outgoing, practical, like an EngSci who finishes his degree and goes directly into industry (not to mention he is successful at being chased). Doof, on the other hand, is more of an unhappy scientist, lonely, socially awkward, unpopular, and an unsuccessful chaser, just like an EngSci who goes into research because they don’t know what to do with their lives.
Anyway, I just want to wrap up by saying that whether you accept the truth or choose to deny it, what young Doofenshmirtz did at the back of Linda’s truck that night at the drive-in theatre was the spark that gave life to a really cool triangle-headed character and made possible this amazing show that all of us (happy kids) have grown up with and will have forever in our hearts. And, for that, I say, THANK YOU, DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ!