Alright people, I don’t know how long I’ve got. They’re coming for me. I know it. I just know it. Because I know that they’ve been hiding things from us. And they know that I know. And I know they know I know. And I plan on exposing them for the puppeteers they are. 

Let me explain. Big Calendar has been in charge of all of our lives since we were born. They decided that we could have two days off every week. They decided that we would have an extra few days off every year as “holidays”. They decided that we would spell Wednesday like a bunch of psychopaths just to show us that they. Own. Us.  

We’ve all known these basic facts for years. Even if we didn’t know that we knew it, we knew it. But, today, we’re not discussing all the ways Big Calendar already controls our lives publicly. No, true believers, today, we’re discussing the things Big Calendar is hiding from us in a little place called “Tomorrow”.  

“Tomorrow” is a concept Big Calendar created to hide all their dirty little secrets. Why is it a perfect hiding place, you ask. Well, dear reader, that is because no one has ever been to “Tomorrow” and no one ever will. This has allowed Big Calendar to operate with impunity, hiding people like Amelia Earhart, Tupac and Elvis away in “Tomorrow”. 

The plot thickens further though. I’ve discovered that Big Cal–they found me. I don’t know how but they found me. NO! STAY BACK! I WON’T LET YOU TAKE ME! I’M NOT GOING TO TOMO–  

Please disregard everything I’ve written so far. I have an extensive drug habit that is well-documented in my online calendar and should therefore not be trusted. I will probably check myself into rehab now, so, if I mysteriously disappear, that’s probably where I am.