MILTON – The peewee baseball team “The Mavericks” performed slightly better than usual this year. Could this have been the result of good coaching, more effective workouts, or better players?

Not according to the league’s commissioner, Gordon Chang. After an thorough and controversial investigation within the league, accusations of illegal drug use among the pre-teen players have been vindicated.

Three weeks into the season, Chang caught on to the use of performance-enhancing substances on the team. He immediately shared a proposal to introduce manditory drug testing. This would force all players to test after each game starting at the beginning of the next season.

Though his plan was met with incredulity from parents, Chang refused to back down. Local police began an investigation into the team and quickly produced incriminating evidence not long after the scandal broke.

During a raid into team captain Mark Chesterfield’s home, it was found that there was a vegetable trafficking ring among parents of players. Searches revealed several banned substances, which include carrots, spinach, and milk. Three players have already admitted to using these vegetables.

Parents weakly defended themselves with arguments such as claiming all kids eat vegetables or that it’s necessary to drink milk just to stay at the same healthy level as the rest of the league. Some even argued that the vegetables were necessary for medical reasons, since their children always whined about eating vitamins.

In a particularly jarring case, a player allegedly did not know that they were consuming vegetables. Instead, the kid’s success-crazed parents were concealing it in the rest of her diet – which mostly consisted of Eggo waffles, pasta, and chocolate milk.

Commissioner Chang and local law enforcement have had little sympathy for players using these substances. Eleven parents, along with the Mavericks’ coach (a parent of two players himself) have been arrested on vegetable trafficking charges and the team has been suspended for the next three seasons.

The league will commence mandatory drug testing in the 2015 season.