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Issue: September 2014

Air Canada Flight Ends in Tragedy After Oprah Does Pre-flight Presentation

Posted on: August 21st, 2014

ATLANTIC OCEAN – Forty-seven are in critical condition following the crash of Air Canada flight 1035 from Toronto to London into the Atlantic Ocean. The flight began on a happy note, with a surprise appearance from beloved T.V. host and celebrity icon Oprah Winfrey treating passengers to a special Oprah-fied safety presentation in which they were […]


Police Demonstration Disrupted by Activists

Posted on: August 21st, 2014

Officers still recovering from vicious tauntings


Freshman’s Ability to Hold and Use Chopsticks Not as Special as He Thought

Posted on: August 21st, 2014

University of Toronto freshman Mike Morgan’s vision of Tuesday night’s sushi outing was turned sharply on its head last week as, to his horror, each and every person accompanying him unexpectedly had a stable grasp on how to hold and use chopsticks. Just one week after moving to Toronto from Smallwood, Ontario to attend the […]


Frosh Friendships Fade with Purple Dye

Posted on: August 21st, 2014

Last year the Engineering frosh received a stern reminder of the dangers of frosh week when Kevin Mahmoud was found sobbing in his empty bathtub by his roommate. His skin still tinged with dye, and he could only be heard uttering, “no, purple, no,” until paramedics arrived for him. “I was the most popular guy […]


How to Survive a TTC Delay

Posted on: August 21st, 2014

Part one of six: Making camp


Is My Roommate Going to Kill Me?

Posted on: August 21st, 2014

UNDER THE BED – I cannot stress enough how bad an idea it is to live with a randomly selected roommate. If you played Russian roulette with a double-barreled shotgun and then went to sleep in a locked room with a total stranger, the shotgun would still be the safest thing you faced that day. Unfortunately, […]


A Match Made in the App Store

Posted on: August 21st, 2014

Taking a look at the new ways people are using the Internet for sex


A Guide to U of T: The Flora

Posted on: August 21st, 2014

Rainforest: Medical Science Building A rare exhibit found north of College Street, experts are still unsure if the forest was planted there or if the building was built around it. A quick look reveals two benches within this forest, likely built from the wood of surrounding trees. The vegetation can be described as tall, misplaced, […]


A Guide to U of T: The Fauna

Posted on: August 21st, 2014

The Engineer (Machinator fabrica) Likes: Free-body diagrams, Linux, cheap beer Dislikes: Hygiene The Engineer is one of the rarer creatures at U of T. Their workload combined with the University’s outdated equipment confine them to labs for days on end, and even when free they seem to prefer darkness to the light of day. The […]


Girl Not Present in Conversation Needs to Have More Self-respect

Posted on: August 21st, 2014

Julie Freedham, 20, needs to have more respect for herself, according to sources. Classmates saw her at a bar Friday night wearing a tight dress and drinking a martini while laughing at jokes told by the man sitting next to her at the bar, and it was pathetic. “It was just so sad,” said Katie […]


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