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A Match Made in the App Store

The popular hook-up app Tinder has attracted all sorts of users, even those looking for love. The Toike Oike sits down with the first couple to get engaged after meeting on the social platform.

Toike: Thanks for taking the time to talk to us. How did you two get started using Tinder as your partner-seeking, genital-matching mobile app?

Becca: Well, the app really changed my life. I was on a bit of a dry streak until my friend suggested that I use Tinder to find “hot locals in my area” and it seems like it worked. Jacob is actually my first guy, and hopefully my very last.

Toike: That’s a really touching story. How did you start using this app, Jacob?

Jacob: Oh man, I had been single for two years now. Studying engineering and stuff, you know. No time for girls. No girls I was into. Just no girls. This Tinder shizzle saved my butt. I logged on, uploaded a few hot pics of mine, and started accepting everyone who came up.

Toike: Wait, so you said yes to every girl you saw on Tinder?

Jacob: Of course! You know what engineering is like. I once hooked up with a warm Pop Tart because no one had touched my lips for the last two years. So, I was swiping right for all of them until I saw Becca two weeks ago.

Becca: You hesitated for me? Didn’t you think we were a good match?

Jacob: No, honey. I wanted to take my time to see your beautiful face and get to know more about you. I knew right away that we were meant to be. The fact that we had fifteen likes in common – like Starbucks, Batman, YouTube and Cosplay Club – made me decide that you were the one.

Toike: Aw, Jacob, that is so sweet. Becca, how did you find out about him?

Becca: My friend and I were just swiping randomly for fun. When she saw Jacob, she was about to swipe right, meaning yes. However, I told her that he looked ugly an—

Jacob: Wait, what?

Becca: Ugh, honey, just wait. So I got the phone from her and just as I was gonna swipe left, she got it back and swiped right.

Jacob: What the heck? I was shirtless in my picture and everything! You were going to turn me down?

Becca: At least I wasn’t being a whore by swiping everyone to the right like you do!

Jacob: Oh, well, guess what? I had six other matches… and you weren’t even my first choice! Oh, and I hesitated when swiping for you, because I was trying to figure out how you hadn’t been banned from the app.

Becca: Fuck this engagement! I should have seen this coming when you proposed to me in front of Tinder headquarters. Give me my ring back!

Jacob: I’ve been fucking your sis—

Toike: Alright, guys. Thanks for this sweet and enlightening interview. Watch for our next one when we talk to the first Christian Mingle users to have sex.