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Issue: January 2022


Posted on: January 25th, 2022

Your Mom’s Basement, 2021 – Holy FUCK that was the most boring Annual General Meeting (AGM) I’ve ever attended. What’s that? I have to be professional and not use the first-person narrative? But the Cannon Newspaper does it all the time… Oh. Okay. In any case – congratulations officers, you deserve a ✨gold✨medal✨ for displaying […]

Supposed signs of life in The Pit? The Toike Oike investigates

Posted on: January 25th, 2022

In-person school, not online – After returning from Zoom school, engineering students at the University of Toronto have made a shocking discovery – The Pit, the current habitat of engineering students in the basement of Sanford Fleming, is showing potential signs of an ecosystem. Specific indicators include raccoon droppings, unknown fast organisms scurrying on the […]

OPINION: Your Opinion is Stupid and I Don’t Wanna Hear It

Posted on: January 25th, 2022

If I wanted your opinion… Maybe, just maybe, I would’ve asked? I thought this was a newspaper, not a whatyouthinkpaper. If you’re submitting things to print in a fine establishment such as this, I would ask you to gather some legitimate sources and make a coherent argument.
Then again, a lot of these opinion pieces are in… less scrupulous publications that start with a “C.”