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Issue: November 2020

Star Wars was Plagiarised and Pop culture is a hoax

Posted on: November 19th, 2020

Ever since film was invented, it has been a staple of popular culture. And some films are lucky enough to gain massive fanbases. Perhaps the most well-known example is Star Wars. The original Star Wars trilogy swept many moviegoers off their feet, and created a massive fanbase for the series. And who could blame them? […]


The Democrats are HIDING A SECRET COVID CURE! 

Posted on: November 19th, 2020

THE MIND OF LACHLAN MURDOCH, PROBABLY HELL EVENTUALLY – According to credible sources who are definitely not just the neighborhood dogs that talk to me on my morning power walks, the DEMONcrats and their co-conspirators in the “scientific community” discovered a cure for COVID-19 months ago and decided to hide it so they could kill […]


The First Female Freemason

Posted on: November 19th, 2020

This operation was undertaken at a time when the Freemasons were at the peak of their influence. This was an operation that left the community shaking and reeling. This operation is about the first female Freemason in history and how she joined the ranks and unmasked of one of the most powerful, exclusively male secret […]


The Toike is dead

Posted on: November 19th, 2020

Toronto, ON — The Toike is dead. Long live something else. Sure, we won a newspaper bracket on a meme page, signalling that we are the alpha paper. But for how long? We’re just The Cannon with dick jokes.  We’ve been superseded in virtual popularity by The Boundary, an ArtSci paper from Vic that doesn’t […]


The Truth about Fidgeting with Wind Turbines

Posted on: November 19th, 2020

It was a breezy day as Brenda Turnwether stood up on the short hill, staring at the long row of white blades spinning on top of the nearby hill, before raising the spinning toy up to her eye. “You see?” she asked. “A perfect fit.” Ms. Turnwether stands in the middle of a typhoon of […]


The Varsity’s Emails Stopped Finding Me Well and then 2020 Happened. Coincidence? 

Posted on: November 19th, 2020

Long story short, no, I don’t think this was a coincidence. The Varsity used to hope their emails found me well. And, you know what? They generally did. I mean, sometimes they found me stressed out in the EngSci common room studying vector calculus and fluid mechanics for a final that I would eventually fail, […]


Toike Projection: Biden Wins 2020

Posted on: November 19th, 2020

The United States has voted, and the Toike Oike’s team of pollsters, data scientists, witch doctors, and meth addicts have crunched the numbers. By our final calculations, we are proud to project that former Vice President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. has been elected President of the United States. Although undoubtedly a close race, our methodology […]


Uncovering the truth: What really happened to Ketaji?

Posted on: November 19th, 2020

Ketaji, is till date one of India’s most revered figures and notable freedom fighters. He was the commander of a team of people, dedicated to basically making sure that all the colonizers finally knew who the fuck they were dealing with. Despite this, his life and achievements are shrouded in the mystery of his demise. […]


What is Big Calendar Hiding from Us

Posted on: November 19th, 2020

Alright people, I don’t know how long I’ve got. They’re coming for me. I know it. I just know it. Because I know that they’ve been hiding things from us. And they know that I know. And I know they know I know. And I plan on exposing them for the puppeteers they are.  Let […]