TORONTO — Local dad-joke enthusiast Danny Chef, 37, has been arrested by the Toronto Comedy Police for telling a Class-4 Prohibited Joke. The incident in question occurred last Monday when a friend of Chef’s, Brett O’Grady, stumbled over a tree root while they were walking in the park. Witnesses claim that O’Grady tripped over the root, causing him to fall to the ground. Rather than help his ‘friend’ up off the ground, Chef reportedly laughed at his companion.
“I saw the guy fall and I’ll admit that I chuckled a bit to myself,” said a witness who wishes to remain anonymous. “But then I saw it. The look on his friend’s face told me that he was about to do something… evil. And he knew it. I moved closer. I hoped to the Gods of Comedy that I wouldn’t hear the words that I knew were coming. The man looked down at his so-called friend and asked, ‘have a nice trip?’ As if that wasn’t awful enough, he quickly continued, saying ‘see you next fall.’ I lost my innocence that day. I can never unhear those words. And I hope the courts make sure no one else has to suffer as I have suffered ever again.”
According to Comedy Police Officer Smith, this isn’t Mr. Chef’s first offence as he has previously received warnings for calling the shovel a ‘ground-breaking invention,’ offering to keep an Italian from talking with just a pair of handcuffs, and calling scarecrows ‘outstanding in their fields.’ Chef was also fined by the TPC for starting to count when asked by his wife to give her ‘a minute’ to get ready. The Toike Oike has also exclusively learned that Chef has done time before for giving away dead batteries ‘free of charge’ but was released early for good behaviour. With his history as a repeat offender, it is likely that Chef is looking at a very long sentence.
According to a source close to Chef, when he heard the sirens approaching, he finished his drink and said with a cocky smirk, “well, that’s my ride.” The smirk quickly disappeared when he realized that he was right.