THE AUDITORY CORTEX, YOUR TEMPORAL LOBE – In a stunning turn of events that no one could have predicted, it seems that the decision to publish a shark issue of the Toike has had an unfortunate and, as far as this reporter can tell, unintended side effect. According to multiple sources in the temporal lobe of your brain – yes, your brain – just seeing the word ‘shark’ so many times in this issue of the Toike has reminded you of “Baby Shark,” an annoyingly catchy children’s song popularized in 2016.

According to our analysts, over 75% of people who have read at least part of this issue of the Toike now have the song, described by Rolling Stone magazine as “Satan’s ringtone,” stuck in their head. Moreover, that figure rises to over 95% when considering only people who have read the headline for this article. So, how do students feel about being reminded of this abomination of a song? I took to the Pit to find out.

“Well, now it’s stuck in my head,” said John, a second-year Engineering Science student whose face went from deathly pale to concerningly red at the mention of a Selachimorpha infant. “If I wasn’t working on less than 1 hour of sleep right now, I would end you right now.”

“What’s ‘Baby Shark’?” Asked Sarah, a fourth-year Mineral Engineering student who’s apparently been living under a rock for the past 6 years, and who was swept away by a nearby friend before I could pull the video up on my phone.

Further student interviews could not be conducted as I feared for my personal safety. And got a little tired. When asked for comment, Toike leadership had this to say:

“No, of course I wasn’t trying to get the song stuck in people’s heads when I suggested the theme,” said Toike Editor-in-Chief Natthew Emmanuel-Miranda. “Wait, are you trying to get this song stuck in people’s heads with this article? Can you stop being a little shit at least until May when you’re someone else’s problem??”

So there you have it, folks. The Toike can play the blame game all they want, but I will not be intimidated. I promise that I will not rest until ‘Baby Shark’ is stuck on loop in everyo- I mean, until the truth of this possible war crime is exposed.

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Baby Shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo.