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“No collusion, no obstruction,” says Trudeau on SNC-Lavalin

Following the release of the long-awaited Dion Report on the SNC-Lavalin affair, opponents of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau are calling for a motion of no confidence to remove him from 24 Sussex Drive.

The report accuses Trudeau of unethically influencing the upcoming general election in Quebec. However, the Prime Minister maintains that he has only acted to maintain employment numbers in the province by favouring the engineering multinational with government contracts and lenient prosecutorial terms.

“I think I’ve made a lot of sacrifices. I work very, very hard.” Explained Trudeau in comment to The Toike Oike. “I’ve created thousands and thousands of jobs, tens of thousands of jobs, built great structures. I’ve done, I’ve had tremendous success. I think I’ve done a lot. … I think they’re sacrifices. I think when I can employ thousands and thousands of people, take care of their education, take care of so many things, even in military.”

Accordingly, the embattled politician is pushing back against calls in the House for his removal. In what is seemingly an effort to deflect scrutiny, Trudeau has highlighted similar allegations brought against the federal Conservatives, accusing them of offering SNC Lavalin immunity if they were to form government come October 21.

“There is no basis whatsoever for a motion of no confidence. None.” Stated Trudeau. “There was no collusion. There was no obstruction. There was no crime. The crime was by the Conservatives. The crime was by the Conservatives. There is no legal basis for dissolution of government. It’s a big witch hunt. Everybody knows it, including the Conservatives.”

When asked for comment on the expulsion of former Attorney-General Jody Wilson-Raybould from Liberal caucus, and her subsequent decision to run as an independent for her riding of Granville, British Columbia, Trudeau had this to say:

“She’s a disaster. She’s a disaster. She’s a disaster. I mean, just think of the corruption and the scandal… We don’t want to go through it. Granville wants to see winning. We want to see win, win, win – constant winning. And you’ll say – if I’m re-elected… ‘Please, Prime Minister, we’re winning too much. We can’t stand it anymore. Can’t we have a loss?’ And I’ll say no, we’re going to keep winning, winning, winning… because we’re going to make Canada great again. And you’ll say, ‘Okay, Prime Minister. Okay.’”

Strict legalities aside, critics of the Prime Minister have described him as unfit for office based on character alone, most often highlighting his rhetoric. Just last month, a string of seven indiscriminate mass huggings — out of 137 this past year alone — were perpetrated by polite, well-adjusted youths. Sociologists attribute this phenomenon to having been inspired by Trudeau’s inflammatory message of love, acceptance, and optimism.