TORONTO, ONTARIO — With the Federal Election fast approaching — and incumbent PM/Prime Minister/Her Majesty’s High Poobah Justin Trudeau in serious danger of losing 24 Sussex to Conservative Leader Andrew Scheer — Trudeau is resorting to desperate measures to curry favour with Canada’s undecided voters.
Since the Canadian people learned of the so-called SNC Lavalin Affair, Trudeau’s popularity has taken a serious hit across nearly all demographics, leading many in the Prime Minister’s campaign scrambling for ways to make the once promising politician more appealing to as-of-yet undecided voters. In an effort to win over younger voters, who are expected to play a crucial role in the election if they decide to show up to the polls, Trudeau has been traveling to Universities across campus to hold events.
Trudeau’s first stop was the University of Toronto — the #1 University in Canada, Top 18 in the World — where his attempt to appear relatable was met with mixed responses from the student body. Hearing of the student body’s grand old tradition of rubbing the back of the University’s premier humour newspaper, The Toike Oike, on their faces, Trudeau promptly grabbed two copies of the beloved publication off a nearby newsstand and started rubbing them on his face. Trudeau then continued to deliver a speech to the diverse crowd of students, telling them how the experience had helped him to “really understand the issues each of [them] faces each and every day”. Trudeau concluded his speech by saying that he really felt like a member of the U of T community, despite the fact that he graduated from McGill before most of the crowd was even born and that — with their help — “one of [them]” would be in the Prime Minister’s office for the next five years.
“Oh my God, he was just so cool to come in and Toike himself like that,” said civil engineering student Justin, 19. “My parents really want me to vote for Scheer so that they can pay less in taxes but I think I’m going to vote for Trudeau. I mean, he seems so cool…and his name’s Justin…which is my name too.” Justin, the student, did not appear to understand that Canadians don’t vote directly for Prime Minister.
Despite Trudeau’s gambit appearing to work on some students, many others raised legitimate concerns about his speech to the young crowd. “Am I going to vote for Trudeau? Hell no,” said chemical engineering student Denise, 21. “The whole SNC Lavalin thing was ridiculous and he’s clearly trying to pander to us to get our votes. He probably won’t follow through on any of the promises he made today. Oh, and there’s the small fact that he just did a whole speech about how he understood the problems we face WHILE IN BLACKFACE!”