MY MOM’S BASEMENT, I MEAN, MY SUBTERRANEAN APARTMENT – In late 2020, the second chapter of the oceanic survival game ‘Raft’ was released on Steam, bringing with it exciting new locations, dangerous new enemies, and intriguing new tools for players to contend with. Since then, subsequent updates have focused on minor patches and small additions but we’ve seen no major additions to the game’s story or gameplay mechanics so far.

While many fans eagerly await a 2022 update that includes the third chapter in the story, this reporter hopes that developer Redbeet Interactive includes a crucial new game mechanic in its next update: the ability to have sex with the sharks.

Sure, the existing gameplay mechanics tease players with some slightly suggestive shark interactions. The most common of these interactions happens whenever a player gets wet (goes swimming) as all nearby sharks will immediately try to eat them (unfortunately literally).

The game also allows and even encourages players to poke sharks with their sticks, though the stick in question is of the wooden variety rather than the one male characters spawn with.

Finally, if you manage to kill a shark, you can even wear it like a hat (giggity), put your head in its mouth (not that head) or mount it (on the wall).

Based on these existing features, it’s hard to believe the devs are unaware of players’ desire to mate the beast with two backs and one dorsal fin. But whether they’ll finally give their seven million players what they want or just continue to tease us is anyone’s guess.