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Issue: September 2018

Depressed Man Miraculously Cured After Taking Advice to “Stop Being Sad”

Posted on: September 2nd, 2018

THAT SKETCHY BURGER KING ON THE CORNER OF COLLEGE & SPADINA, TORONTO – Taking a friend’s advice to “stop being sad,” local resident Elijah Mohe has been miraculous cured of his crippling depression. The recent graduate of the University of Toronto has fallen on hard times after discovering five years of education has rendered him […]

President of the United States Does Presidential Things

Posted on: September 2nd, 2018

Speaking at a political town hall in northern Virginia yesterday, the incumbent President of the United States thoroughly and painstakingly laid out his administration’s comprehensive plan for accomplishing the remainder of the goals promised during his campaign. Speaking in what audience members described as a calm and collected manner, the President began by explaining his […]

Point-Counterpoint: This is How You Write a Point-Counterpoint! Vs. No *This* is How You Write a Point-Counterpoint

Posted on: September 2nd, 2018

Obviously, to begin a Point-Counterpoint section, one must first assume a viewpoint in a certain argument.   No, you uninformed cretin, obviously you have to choose a debate to take sides on first!   Excuse me, you uneducated imbecile, obviously intelligent beings like myself would have taken that first assumption as axiomatic to the topic […]

How to Write Toike Poetry for Dummies

Posted on: September 2nd, 2018

So you would like to pen a rhyme, Sonnet, or verse, spoken in time? Read the next lines and come to see, Anyone can write great poetry!   Start by discarding syllable count, Your poem’s words should be constrained by no set amount. Follow up next by getting rid of meter, Some darn fancy rhythm […]

Upstart Tabloid Rag “The Boundary” is Fake News

Posted on: September 2nd, 2018

RE: “’Toike Oike’ Circulation Reaches Double-Digits as Shivering Students Begin Using Paper as Fire-Starter”, published by The Boundary, March 8, 2018.   What the fuck did you just fucking say about us, you little tabloid rag? Well have you know we graduated top of our class in the ClickHole Academy of Reporting, and weve been […]

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