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Gooned too much, gone too soon — An Ode to the 2T8 Frosh Prank

Posted on: April 23rd, 2025

It was a day like any other Like that day I was with your mother Except the frosh had a plan And no, they weren’t gonna cram With chiseled jaws, and mewing cheeks With fingers raw, and joyful shrieks The first years mounted their rigid rod Facing towards Bahen’s knobs With member erect, and tip […]

Is The Unfiltered Pit Water Causing Brain Rot?

Posted on: April 22nd, 2025

Students dwelling in the Sandford Fleming Atrium, more commonly known as “The Pit” have recently noticed that the Pit’s resident water fountain has had its filter status light change to red, indicating the need for a filter change. Now, the filter status has been so neglected that the light is no longer lit at all; […]

Icl Gng I Cnt Evn Rn

Posted on: April 22nd, 2025

Gng I srsly dk what 2 do rn. All my finals r cookng me, and I cnt rvue all da lectur materials to study icl. Ts lowk pmo frfr. I litrlly cnt even rn vro. Ion evn sleep now ngl. Tbh I shud nvr hav cum 2 UofT. I cnt b an academic wpn frfr. […]

Concrete Toboggan Race Dazzles Audiences In Montreal

Posted on: March 16th, 2025

As startingly low temperatures and hints of a snowstorm raged on throughout Eastern Canada, competition brewed in Montreal. Engineering teams from across Canada made the trek by plane, train, and car. Somewhere amidst that jumble of vehicles, within trailers, trucks, and crates, 300lb toboggans banged against the sides of their enclosures, begging to be freed […]

Two Dozen Two Sentence Divorce Stories

Posted on: March 16th, 2025

Banana Kool-Aid Recipe

Posted on: February 21st, 2025

Do YOU want some sexy, sexy hydration? Go drink some water. But if after you have finished your water you are looking for some more sugar/electrolytes/banana flavour, you should really try the Kool-Aid. This is so holiday related because staying hydrated and sexy is a year long thing. Ingredients: Banana Kool-Aid Water (oooooh, sexy) Other […]

Three Wise Men Walk Into a Bar

Posted on: February 1st, 2025

Ow! Ow! OW!

THE SANDFORD FLEMING PIT IS THE SEXIEST THING ON CAMPUS AND I’M TIRED OF PRETENDING IT’S NOT

Posted on: October 31st, 2024

This isn’t an opinion piece, it’s facts. Look, I know it can’t just be me. I know there’s people into MILFs here. I know some of you have spent just a little too much time making fanart of a Tumblr sexyman to be only ironically into them. And if you’re one of those people—don’t you […]

Frampus’ Stinky Sewage Issue to be Fixed by Redoing the Entire Thing

Posted on: October 31st, 2024

The University of Toronto has announced a new plan to alleviate the current issue of Front Campus having an awful smell as a result of leaky sewage pipes. Since construction for Front Campus was completed midway through the 2022-23 school year, a new problem has slowly crept up and reached a breaking point as the […]

JASON’S TRAGIC TUMBLE AT THE CHARMING BALL

Posted on: September 1st, 2024

Jason Derulo just fell down the stairs at Prince Charming’s ball! The unfortunate incident occurred just after midnight, when nobility and news agencies witnessed the embarrassing scene of Jason Derulo tumbling headfirst down the stairs at the main entrance to the prince’s palace. The cause of his fall appeared to be a shoe that a, […]