The Institute of Biomedical Engineering and the Zoology Department at the University of Toronto recently showcased the newest addition to their exemplary repertoire – the Hardhat Shark.
The Hardhat Shark, scientifically named Engineerus aquaticus, was first conceptualized in 2010 by the esteemed geneticist, Dr. Shark Man, father of Shark Boy, aiming to reduce the gap between the hammerhead and saw-head sharks.
“Sharks are old as f*ck – a rather pre-historic element of the animal kingdom” stated Dr. Man, “They haven’t really evolved over the last 20 million years so I took it upon myself to create better adaptations in them for their current environment The cartiligious carniviourous species of sharks has been rather stagnant in their evolution over the last 20 million yociety, however, one thing is evident, wearing a hard hat seems to give you some sort of emotional crisis. Stay away from engineering, kids. Or don’t, I can’t tell you what to do. Anywho, when species do not evolve, the duty falls on the human race to preserve and improve these ancient lifeforms”.
In 2015, Dr. Shark Man partnered with Prof. Richus Enguhneer to pursue this genetic marvel. “Dr. Man’s research was quite fascinating to me because at the heart of it, it’s all about protection. If we found a way to genetically alter sharks to have hardhats all the time, the technology developed could be adapted for use in Engineers.”
Prof. Enguhneer has been working closely on the breeding and adaptation responses of Engineers. His team is currently developing techniques to create a new generation of Engineers that are always wearing hardhats and steel toed boots. Prof. Enguhneer proclaims that his work with Dr. Man will help to bring forth the life of all future engineers.
Presently, Dr. Man and Prof. Enguhneer have successfully created the first round of hardhat sharks. These sharks have managed to live up to 9 months, however they don’t seem to make it past the tenth month. It is uncertain what causes this spike in mortality rates, however researchers from the University of Loo-water speculate that due to always wearing hard-hats, the sharks gain some sort of engineering related depression and, without the motivating factor of being paid enough to make up for this, pass away. The team at UofT is currently searching for ways to mitigate this phenomena by providing the sharks with positive reinforcement such as “iron rings” and “PEYs”.
Though neither researcher could give the Toike a solid timeline regarding when to expect their very own shark, we are optimistic that with enough blackm- uh, encouragement, we will soon be announcing a new Toike mascot. Stay tuned, folks.
